Five Reasons not to get Married
In my newest book, Bridesmaid Blues, Dani Brown, the maid-of-honor, has to keep the best
man, her ex-boyfriend, away from the groom as a favor to the bride. Dani and Jamie’s
relationship didn’t end well, and she was left trying to figure out why he bolted days after she
said the L-word. That got me thinking about dating, relationships, and marriage. It’s been years
since I’ve had to hit the dating scene, thank God, but I fairly certain the basic reasons for sticking
with or ending a relationship haven’t changed much.
These are my top five reasons not to get married. I strongly feel if you’re contemplating taking
the plunge and any of these are the reason why, you should rethink your decision. Maybe go to a
hot yoga class or get a massage and think it over.
1. You need somebody to lift heavy things. You can actually hire people for this. It might
only cost you a case of beer or a batch of cookies. Even if you have to fork out cold cash,
Hank and the Box Boys will eventually leave, and you won’t be forced to watch the Duck
Dynasty marathon running all weekend.
2. You’re bored. I’ve got one word—hobby. Get one. Cosplay, cooking, cucumber art. You
can choose as many hobbies as often as you want. Spouses are a lot more difficult and
expensive to change.
3. You need somebody to watch your pets while you go on vacation. I usually like to take
my husband on vacation with me, but that might not be for everybody. Again, I’ll point
out, a pet sitter or kennel is far cheaper than a spouse.
4. Threats for your mother. She’ll die a broken woman if you don’t get married. My
suggestion is tell her that day can’t come too soon. Guaranteed she will not die, broken or
otherwise. You may have to listen to her crap, but you’re an adult, that’s what caller ID
and peep holes are for.
5. Lastly, everybody else is doing it. All your friends are getting married and you feel left
out. All your friends might be getting their nipples pierced too, but that doesn’t mean you
have to. Like with nipple piercing, if your piercer, or fiancée, are only so-so, chances are
things are going to end painfully and you’ll end up regretting your choice.
So there you have it, a few standard guidelines that will help you know when to say yes to the
dress and when not to. I’d love to hear your reasons for not getting married.
Boone’s Dating Haiku
In honor of my new release, Bridesmaid Blues, I’ve written a haiku about dating. I think it dives
to the heart of how to approach dating, and all things in life for that matter. I usually don’t get all
deep and sappy, but I believe in true love and the sanctity of marriage. For that reason, I bare my
soul and poetry skills to you, dear reader. So here goes. Enjoy.
Treat dating like beer
All things in moderation
Well, except for beer